Posted in Autism, Down syndrome, Dual Diagnosis Down syndrome and autism

Blog #249~DS-ASD New Year Goals

Blog #249~DS-ASD New Year Goals

Happy New Year and we hope you had a nice holiday. The Christmas decorations are packed away. Now, a clean slate is laid out for 2023. There is something hopeful about starting a new year. It’s an opportunity to re-set, make goals and resolutions. At the same time, those resolutions can often fall by the wayside leaving you feeling like a failure. I have those moments as a parent of a child with a dual diagnosis of Down syndrome and autism (DS-ASD). My son Nick is 28 years old, and he lives at home with us. He has not been able to go back to his adult day program or qualify for any others. This is due to staffing shortages and the complexities of behaviors and communication deficits associated with DS-ASD. Fortunately, we have a state waiver that pays for respite care and a great team of caregivers who work with Nick. This enables us to work and enjoy leisure activities that are so important for self-care. Today, Nick completed his structured teaching activities independently as he does each day at home. These activities are part of his routine which is a great way to support individuals with DS-ASD. He is very good at them and feels accomplished.

Nick doing structured teaching activities independently 🙂

Nick has settled in covered with his weighted blanket and tappers in hand. This morning he is watching classic Thomas the Tank Engine season 3. I use to feel guilty that he wasn’t watching age appropriate shows. But now I realize, this gives him a sense of comfort, much like the Bravo and Hallmark shows do for me. So, as I write this piece these questions roam in my mind:

*What more can I do to support my son?

*How can I help him be more independent?

*What else can I do to redirect and manage his behaviors?

*Do I have the bandwidth to accomplish this, run the household and work my outside jobs?

One of the worst things about being a parent and caregiver is the guilt that we feel about not doing enough for our children. This is where I want to talk about my new years goals, and what I want to share with other DS-ASD families. My goal and hope for you this is year to be kind to yourself, by entering and exiting each day with grace. I am going to remind myself and other families that this DS-ASD journey that we are on is challenging, exhausting, frustrating and uncertain. We are going to stumble, but we also get up and do it all over again each morning. I am going to forgive myself when I am impatient, and I want you to do that too. I plan on reminding myself that deep inside the ongoing passion and love for my child is what fuels me to support and advocate for him and other families…… and I am going to remind you of this in my writing and presentations for 2023.

Let’s take a deep breath, laugh, cry and celebrate those successes together. Remember this: The fact that you are reading this blog, searching for answers and trying your best is a testimony of a good and loving parent. Know that you are not alone in this journey. May we all feel optimistic for the new year and let that hope carry us through the rough patches. The DS-ASD journey includes many stumbles and falls, but a back step can also become a cha-cha. I’ll be here to prop you up when you fall, sharing ideas, strategies, empathy, hope and encouragement. That is my passion and commitment to my son and other families on this path. Cheers to the new year and exercising self-care by being kind to ourselves.

That’s what is in my noggin this week.

~Teresa 🙂

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Posted in Adult Day Programs for Special Needs, Autism, Down syndrome, Dual Diagnosis Down syndrome and autism

Blog #245~DS-ASD Update

Blog #245~DS-ASD Update

What does life look like now for Nick since the pandemic hit over 2 years ago? It’s very different, uncomplicated and often redundant. Sometimes it feels like the movie Ground Hog Day, with the same thing happening over and over. It’s not a sad life, it’s just a different life. My son is 28 years old and has a dual diagnosis of Down syndrome and autism (DS-ASD). This week, I want to paint a picture of what life is like for Nick and our family these days and how we make his days meaningful so he knows his value and worth.

For 10 years I wrote diligently and posted a blog each Monday. Then the pandemic hit and Nick’s adult developmental day training program shut down. Well over 2 years later, he still sits idle on their waiting list hoping to get back in. Part of the reason my blogs have been sporadic is due to taking care of Nick at home, while I continue to work. This is no easy feat when you are trying to tune out the many sounds of autism. Since my book, A New Course: A Mother’s Journey Navigating Down Syndrome and Autism, was published in May of 2020, many doors have opened up to presentations, workshops, webinars and podcasts. It has been very rewarding doing these projects and sharing strategies on how to navigate co-occurring Down syndrome and autism. Later this month I will be presenting in person at the National Down Syndrome Congress (NDSC) in New Orleans!

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So, here’s a look at our new normal for the past two years. For most of us, this has been remote work, Zoom presentations and meetings which has been a great vehicle to reach a large audience across the country. Creating these presentations doesn’t feel like work, it’s exciting and creative. But, it can be difficult to concentrate when your son is constantly tapping, verbal stimming, pushing the microwave fan button, throwing things and running the water faucets. Nick also goes down some interesting YouTube rabbit holes. Lately he’s been diving down to find some real “gems”. This includes finding Thomas the Tank Engine the dark side, (picture Thomas with a black eye and goatee and guns blazing). Another gem has been fire alarm testing. Despite our efforts to clear the history on YouTube, he keeps finding those blaring alarms. It’s obviously fulfilling a sensory need he craves. Better on his iPad and not on a real fire alarm. 🙂

As I mentioned earlier, Nick’s day program has been a no go due to staffing shortages. It’s devasting to see that individuals with disabilities who are the most vulnerable, can’t get into day programs. Despite hefty signing bonuses being offered, many day programs continue to struggle with staffing. We have done our best to create some structure at home and provide him with personal support workers who assist him at home and with community activities outside the house. Structured teaching activities benefits include developing and maintaining educational and fine motor skills.

Structured Teaching Activities
Activities include matching, sorting office supplies and puzzles

Nick also has several jobs around the house which include unloading the dishwasher, recycling, vacuuming, and helping to prepare meals. These jobs along with the structured teaching activities are meaningful and bolster his confidence.

Nick unloading the dishwasher
Working at home

In addition to in home activities, Nick also enjoys going out into the community with his personal support workers. Having respite care is important for families, so each member gets a break and can go out and enjoy time on their own.

Fun at the Park
Lunch date with personal support worker

The new normal at home with Nick is working largely due to having wonderful personal support workers and offering meaningful activities. We have looked into other day programs, but most have waiting lists or lack the staffing to accommodate Nick’s needs. So, we just keep leaning into the new normal and doing the best we can to find balance in both our work and Nick’s needs. As a mom, it gives me comfort to hear him say “happy” and lean into life at home. Even if it does include those trips down the YouTube rabbit hole.

That’s what is in my noggin this week. 🙂

~Teresa

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