Posted in Autism, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Dual Diagnosis Down syndrome and autism

Blog #238~Autism: Welcome to My Life… Sleep Number is Zero

Blog #238~Autism: Welcome to My Life… Sleep Number is Zero

Autism Acceptance and Awareness Month is winding down, but for countless families living with autism it will continue beyond April, and often includes a sleep number of zero. That is the opening chapter of the book, Welcome to My Life: A Personal Parenting Journey Through Autism by author Laurie Hellman. My son Nick, is 27 years old and has a dual diagnosis of Down syndrome and autism (DS-ASD). I am quite familiar with sleepless nights followed by the fog and exhaustion that comes with autism. But this book is much more than sleepless nights. The author takes you through a journey that is a honest portrayal of what autism is like, often raw but always filled with compassion and love.

Available on Amazon at
https://amzn.to/2Df6qbL

What I find refreshing about the book, Welcome to My Life, is that it depicts many of the aspects that families deal with when autism is profound. Author Laurie Hellman, pulls back the curtain and lets you in to see the dents in the walls, the internal, detailed pre-planning before any event outside the home and yes…..the literal shit show, because trust me it happens. I found myself nodding my head, getting teary eyed and laughing, as her stories were so relatable. Laurie’s love and determination for her son mirrors mine. Finally, there are many lessons that Laurie offers in her book:

“Skyler teaches me to be brave, strong and courageous. he’s taught me that when I am tired and feel like giving up, I can keep going.” Laurie Hellman

It was heart wrenching to read about the additional health struggles associated with Laurie’s son, Skyler. I admire how she poured over research and turned over every stone to find answers and treatment to help him. As a mother of a child with autism, I understood the feelings of grief over what might have been. In my book A New Course: A Mother’s Journey Navigating Down Syndrome and Autism-(https://amzn.to/2W3Un6X) I wrote about all the milestones that my son missed out on, like getting his driver’s license, going to the prom and eventually heading off to college. Did you know parent’s of individuals with autism sometimes find it easier to smile and say everything is fine? Why? Because quite frankly on some days it’s just too much to unpack. When autistic kids can’t process overstimulation it can lead to meltdowns, and as a parent you are right in the path of any collateral damage. Laurie writes about how her son can’t verbally communicate so he may lash out by swatting her arm or smacking her leg…..

“On most days, I think to myself, Does he even like me?” Laurie Hellman

After 27 years of navigating DS-ASD with my son, I have learned the function of such behaviors. I cope, by putting them in the compartment of brain rewired differently with autism. I don’t take it personally, when Nick hits me anymore, because he is mostly non-verbal. I recognize that these behaviors are his means to communicate when he feels overwhelmed and not being heard.

I think that what you will learn from reading books about autism like ours, is that if you met one person with autism…. you met one person with autism. Each is a unique journey, because autism is a spectrum disorder. Autism Acceptance and Awareness Month is about understanding these journeys and different perspectives. With better understanding our society can be more kind, patient and compassionate:

“Simple acts of kindness go such a long way and can restore my sometimes-crumbling faith in humanity.” Laurie Hellman

Moving beyond Autism Acceptance and Awareness Month, I encourage you to continue to learn more about autism. Share our stories so we can make this a bigger narrative. That sleep number of zero is real, along with the challenges associated, especially when autism is profound. Understanding leads to acceptance. It means showing kindness by making some room at the table for all abilities and behaviors of autistic individuals along with their families.

That’s what is in my noggin this week.

~Teresa 🙂

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Posted in Autism, Behavior/ ABA, Down syndrome

Blog #122~Parent Stress and Autism

Blog #122~ Parent Stress and Autism

Research has clearly shown that mothers of children with autism experience more stress, depression and poorer health than is typical of mothers in general. Autism Research Review (ARRI) reports this editorial, “Parental Stress in Autism Spectrum Disorders: In a survey of 219 parents of children with autism, Sharpley, et al. (1997), found that more than 80% reported sometimes being “stretched beyond their limits,” with mothers reporting higher stress levels than fathers.   The authors commented that the three most stressful factors are “(a) concern over the permanency of the condition; (b) poor acceptance of autistic behaviors by society and, often, by other family members; and (c) the very low levels of social support received by parents.”

I know of this stress too well. My son, Nick is 21 years old and has Down syndrome and autism. His impulsivity is at an all-time high. In the 5 minutes I stepped out to roll the garbage bins to the curb, he cleared out a desk drawer and threw the contents all over place. A few days before, he was up at 4am and proceeded to take two bottles of salad dressing and dump them all over the kitchen and laundry room floors.

At least he put the empty bottles in the recycle bin 🙂

dressing

According to an article written in Disability Scoop (www.disabilityscoop.com):

“Mothers of adolescents and adults with autism experience chronic stress comparable to combat soldiers and struggle with frequent fatigue and work interruptions, new research finds. These moms also spend significantly more time caregiving than moms of those without disabilities.

Researchers followed a group of moms of adolescents and adults with autism for eight days in a row. Moms were interviewed at the end of each day about their experiences and on four of the days researchers measured the moms’ hormone levels to assess their stress.

They found that a hormone associated with stress was extremely low, consistent with people experiencing chronic stress such as soldiers in combat, the researchers report in one of two studies published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.

Such hormone levels have been associated with chronic health problems and can affect glucose regulation, immune functioning and mental activity, researchers say.

autism war girl

Now, I would never compare my level of stress to that of a combat soldier. But I do have to remain on point to keep up with Nick. I must jump out of my skin dozens of times a day when he pushes the ADT keypad, microwave, garbage disposal, and phone intercom buttons, runs upstairs to run the faucets full blast, or empties a full basket of folded laundry and the basket off the second floor.  Mix in sleep deprivation and dodging potential meltdowns situations, topped with a constant barrage of stimming sounds all of which send tension levels skyrocketing.

autism and sleep cartoon

The stress of parenting a child with autism is high for many reasons. Parents cope with grief, worries about the future, struggling to find resources and support for their child on top of handling the behavior and communication issues associated with having autism.

A child with autism may display unpredictable and disruptive behaviors have meltdowns that can be of danger to themselves and others and have trouble sleeping through the night. Deficits in speech and communication can contribute to behavior problems as well. In addition, parents may be dealing with seizure disorders related to autism.

A child’s autism diagnosis affects every member of the family in different ways. Parents must now place their primary focus on helping their child with autism. This may put pressure on their marriage, other children, work, finances, and personal relationships and responsibilities. Much of the focus shifts to finding resources and spending money towards treatment and interventions for their child. These needs can complicate family relationships, especially with siblings.

So what coping mechanisms help a parent dealing with anxiety and drained of energy?

*Get involved with support groups locally and online

*Obtain respite care and apply for funding for supportive services.

*Get your child/young adult into programs and social groups specifically tailored to autism.

*Carve out time to enjoy leisure activities like exercise, massage, meditation and self-relaxation techniques.

These can go a long way towards improving mental health and reduce the strain caused daily. While I try and do most of things, there are some days that push me close to the edge. Ask any parent raising a child with autism and they will tell you that some days you just can’t combat the stress.  That’s what is in my noggin (and heart) this week.

~Teresa