Posted in Autism, Down syndrome, Dual Diagnosis Down syndrome and autism, Parenting Special Needs

Blog #207~Special Needs Parents: Coping When Life Gets Tough

 a Blog #207~Special Needs Parents: Coping When Life Gets Tough

Let’s face it, being a parent is exhausting at times.  When you have a child with special needs, it’s amplified.  Sometimes you just can’t catch a break.  You have to walk on eggshells, and keep your cool, so your child doesn’t have a meltdown.  The physical needs your child may have can take its toll, zapping your energy levels each day and night.  Autism and sleep disorders go hand in hand. Endless nights of interrupted sleep will beat you down.  My son Nick is 24 years old, and has Down syndrome and autism.  I’ve got many years under my belt, of taking care of his needs.  I can hold it together pretty well and keep my patience in tact.  Believe me, Nick does try my patience daily.  But every once in a while it gets to be too much, especially when sleep is disrupted.

mombie

So how do you find ways to catch a break and re-charge?  I thought a lot about this over the weekend.  There are times in life where you start to get your footing, but the next thing you know, a few more hurdles block your path.  In the worst of times, when my son was going through puberty and having multitudes of meltdowns, I questioned how I was going to survive.

I repeated this mantra to myself……

winston churhill quote

Here are 7 things to keep in mind which will help when you feel stressed out…..

  1. It’s totally NORMAL to feel overwhelmed.
  2. When you do feel stressed out, seek BALANCE and prioritize what MUST be done and what can wait.
  3. Stop feeling GUILTY.
  4. Give yourself a BREAK, even if it’s a mini break to keep you at your best both emotionally and physically.
  5. Ask for HELP from family, sitters and respite caregivers. You can’t do it alone.  Delegate household chores to all family members.
  6. CONNECT with support groups who better understand what you are dealing with on a daily basis.  Being a parent of a child with special needs can be lonely.  But you know what, you are NOT ALONE.
  7. Keep GRATITUDE in your heart.  Every day look for the blessings.  The good stuff will keep your focus positive.

This weekend was very busy, and my usual Saturday catch up routine was interrupted.  That evening I was looking for a clean pair of underwear for my son.  I dug through 3 clean laundry baskets that had yet to be put away.  Not one single pair could be found.  It was late, I was tired, and it was all too much.  While Nick was in the shower, I went into the closet and started yelling, “T, you suck.”  And yes, the swear words were flying.  Nick ended up in a pair of his Dad’s boxer briefs that were on the baggy side.  I spoke into the Amazon Echo, “Alexa, put F-ing underwear on the shopping list!”  Alexa acknowledged the request, without using the expletive, as she is polite that way.

The next day, Nick went to brunch with Kelsey, his respite caregiver.  I took my own advice, and put myself first.  I also took a moment to be grateful that Nick was fully toilet trained (no easy feat), and able to wear underwear.  Before making a Wal-Mart run for groceries and F-ing underwear, I headed over to my happy place, DSW Shoes. I was loaded down with preferred customer coupons and a gift card that I got for Mother’s Day.  It was only a twenty-minute mini break, but it did me a world of good!  Oh and I came out treating myself with two new pair of cute sandals. 🙂

Being a parent of a child with special needs carries a unique set of responsibilities that can be overwhelming.  Know that you are not alone, and that it’s essential to give yourself a break without guilt.  Even in the darkest days and nights, things will get better.

So I leave you with this final mantra when you are taking on what seems to be the impossible…..

breathe chapter quote

That’s what is in my noggin this week. 🙂

~Teresa

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Posted in Autism, Behavior/ ABA, Down syndrome

Blog #122~Parent Stress and Autism

Blog #122~ Parent Stress and Autism

Research has clearly shown that mothers of children with autism experience more stress, depression and poorer health than is typical of mothers in general. Autism Research Review (ARRI) reports this editorial, “Parental Stress in Autism Spectrum Disorders: In a survey of 219 parents of children with autism, Sharpley, et al. (1997), found that more than 80% reported sometimes being “stretched beyond their limits,” with mothers reporting higher stress levels than fathers.   The authors commented that the three most stressful factors are “(a) concern over the permanency of the condition; (b) poor acceptance of autistic behaviors by society and, often, by other family members; and (c) the very low levels of social support received by parents.”

I know of this stress too well. My son, Nick is 21 years old and has Down syndrome and autism. His impulsivity is at an all-time high. In the 5 minutes I stepped out to roll the garbage bins to the curb, he cleared out a desk drawer and threw the contents all over place. A few days before, he was up at 4am and proceeded to take two bottles of salad dressing and dump them all over the kitchen and laundry room floors.

At least he put the empty bottles in the recycle bin 🙂

dressing

According to an article written in Disability Scoop (www.disabilityscoop.com):

“Mothers of adolescents and adults with autism experience chronic stress comparable to combat soldiers and struggle with frequent fatigue and work interruptions, new research finds. These moms also spend significantly more time caregiving than moms of those without disabilities.

Researchers followed a group of moms of adolescents and adults with autism for eight days in a row. Moms were interviewed at the end of each day about their experiences and on four of the days researchers measured the moms’ hormone levels to assess their stress.

They found that a hormone associated with stress was extremely low, consistent with people experiencing chronic stress such as soldiers in combat, the researchers report in one of two studies published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.

Such hormone levels have been associated with chronic health problems and can affect glucose regulation, immune functioning and mental activity, researchers say.

autism war girl

Now, I would never compare my level of stress to that of a combat soldier. But I do have to remain on point to keep up with Nick. I must jump out of my skin dozens of times a day when he pushes the ADT keypad, microwave, garbage disposal, and phone intercom buttons, runs upstairs to run the faucets full blast, or empties a full basket of folded laundry and the basket off the second floor.  Mix in sleep deprivation and dodging potential meltdowns situations, topped with a constant barrage of stimming sounds all of which send tension levels skyrocketing.

autism and sleep cartoon

The stress of parenting a child with autism is high for many reasons. Parents cope with grief, worries about the future, struggling to find resources and support for their child on top of handling the behavior and communication issues associated with having autism.

A child with autism may display unpredictable and disruptive behaviors have meltdowns that can be of danger to themselves and others and have trouble sleeping through the night. Deficits in speech and communication can contribute to behavior problems as well. In addition, parents may be dealing with seizure disorders related to autism.

A child’s autism diagnosis affects every member of the family in different ways. Parents must now place their primary focus on helping their child with autism. This may put pressure on their marriage, other children, work, finances, and personal relationships and responsibilities. Much of the focus shifts to finding resources and spending money towards treatment and interventions for their child. These needs can complicate family relationships, especially with siblings.

So what coping mechanisms help a parent dealing with anxiety and drained of energy?

*Get involved with support groups locally and online

*Obtain respite care and apply for funding for supportive services.

*Get your child/young adult into programs and social groups specifically tailored to autism.

*Carve out time to enjoy leisure activities like exercise, massage, meditation and self-relaxation techniques.

These can go a long way towards improving mental health and reduce the strain caused daily. While I try and do most of things, there are some days that push me close to the edge. Ask any parent raising a child with autism and they will tell you that some days you just can’t combat the stress.  That’s what is in my noggin (and heart) this week.

~Teresa