Posted in Autism, Down syndrome, Dual Diagnosis Down syndrome and autism, Parenting Special Needs

DS-ASD~Mom,Take Care of Yourself

DS-ASD~ Mom, Take Care of Yourself

It’s May and the school year is almost done. This month is busy, and parents get pulled in many directions. Being a mom of a special needs child for 25 years, I know first hand the guilt associated with not doing or being enough for my family. My son Nick is 25 and has a dual diagnosis of Down syndrome and autism (DS-ASD). Over the years, I’ve learned how to cope with the stress and guilt, which can be debilitating. You are no good to your family if you don’t take care of yourself.

Mom quote first step

My advice to moms out there is this- Cut yourself some slack and take care of yourself.  Life is not perfect, none of us are; just let go of that notion. 

Here is a blog I wrote a couple of years ago with 3 tips on how to take care of yourself:

https://nickspecialneeds.com/2017/05/08/blog-174-momtake-care-of-yourself/

mom quote body, mind soul

You can’t pour from and empty cup, so remember to keep yours filled. Your family needs you at your best and you will have more to offer them. Make it a priority to carve out some time each day to take care of yourself.

That’s what is in my noggin this week!

~Teresa 🙂

Follow Nick:

Facebook and Pinterest @Down Syndrome With A Slice Of Autism

Instagram @nickdsautism

Twitter @tjunnerstall

 

 

Posted in Autism, Down syndrome, Dual Diagnosis Down syndrome and autism, Parenting Special Needs

Blog #230~Special Needs Moms, Advice from the Front Lines

Blog #230~Special Needs Moms, Advice from the Front Lines

autism war girl

I feel like I should be doing more.

My child isn’t reaching his IEP goals.

Will my child ever get toilet trained?

I’m not spending enough time with my other kids.

I can’t keep up, I’m exhausted.

Parenting a child with special needs brings on additional challenges and stress. As a mom of a special needs child for 25 years, I’ve had negative feelings of uncertainty, resentment, frustration, sadness, inadequacy and loneliness. Such feelings lead to the worst of all; guilt. We are only human, and it’s understandable to have those emotions as a mom.

mombie

My son, Nick is 25 years old and has a dual diagnosis of Down syndrome and autism.  I  tried my best not to compare his growth and milestones to other children.   Nick had very low muscle tone, which is a trait associated with Down syndrome:

*He didn’t sit independently until well after age one.

*Nick didn’t walk or chew hard textured foods until he was 3 1/2 years old.

*Worst yet, he wasn’t independently toilet trained until age 13.

There were many times where those feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty creeped in over the years.  I questioned myself often, about what more I could do for my son. You try your best, but feel like you are coming up short.  I’ve been there many times, I get it! Take a breath and forgive yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect mom.

Nick, age 2 and his brother Hank age 4…….

AIOtmp (19)

So here is my advice from the frontlines.  First of all, remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. When you feel like you are alone, seek out a support system.  There are many  Down syndrome support groups across the country, online and on Facebook that are specific to the diagnosis of your child. Find that group of parents, going down a similar path as you are; they are the ones who “GET IT”.

sign support

When you feel lost, inadequate and overwhelmed, ask for help. Find the experts, and ask other parents, They will give you information and strategies to better equip  yourself to deal with the unique challenges of raising a child with special needs.

help button

Another struggle and dialogue that plays inside our heads as moms is, “But I don’t have time for me.”  Taking some “me time”, when the laundry is piled up, dishes to be washed and a myriad of other chores on the list, leads to feelings of guilt. But, it’s important to pull away, and re-charge your battery. Take time to do something you enjoy. Go have a cup of coffee or take a walk with a girlfriend, exercise, garden, go to Target and walk every aisle; do that thing  that will help restore you.

Pour Cup

Take care of yourself, Mom! When you feel overwhelmed find a support system, ask for help, and remember  it’s okay to disengage and recharge yourself. There is no such thing as being the perfect mother, so take it easy on yourself.  That’s my advice for special needs moms, on the front lines and what’s in my noggin this week.

Happy Mother’s Day 🙂

~Teresa

Follow Nick:

Facebook and Pinterest @Down Syndrome With A Slice Of Autism

Instagram @nickdsautism

Twitter @tjunnerstall

Posted in Autism, Behavior/ ABA, Down syndrome

Blog #94~Advice for Special Needs Moms

Blog #94~Advice for Special Needs Moms

I’ve been raising a child with special needs for 20 years. My son, Nick has Down syndrome and was later diagnosed with autism. Being a parent is rewarding but also challenging and stressful. Having a child with special needs amplifies things even more. I’ve felt ashamed, exhausted, and frustrated piling on mounds of guilt along the way.  With Mother’s Day coming up I’ve been thinking about a few things. What advice would I give to that 33 year old mom back in 1994?

Joleene Pic

Advice for Special Needs Moms- 5 Things I’ve learned

1.  Let go of being the helpless victim. Take back control and commit  yourself to action. Ask for help and accept help from family, friends, teachers, therapists, support groups and special needs agencies.

2.  Adopt a new attitude when you feel bogged down.  How about this mantra? “Today I will do just one thing to move me forward to where I want to be.”

3.  Learn from others but set your own course. It’s easy to be overwhelmed when you see other moms trying gluten free, casein free, organic dietary programs, experimenting with essential oils, driving all over town to ABA behavior/OT/PT/Speech therapy programs and recreational activities. Forgive yourself, let go of those feelings of inadequacy.

4.  Which leads right into GUILT!  Society’s expectations don’t have to be yours. Don’t let anyone pack your bags for a guilt trip.

pintrest cartoon

5.  Take time to breathe, pray, meditate, exercise and feed your soul. A rested mind, body and spirit will help you navigate those rough, rocky roads.

zen

Do I follow this advice every day? Hardly, this morning I procrastinated  waiting until Nick ran out of his meds before making  a doctor appointment. I also threw out a package of moldy hot dog buns buried in the pantry. The floor hasn’t been mopped in two weeks and I sat around like a slug watching this movie for the umpteenth time with Nick yesterday….

The other guys

Do I feel guilty about it? Not near as much as I use to. The mounds of guilt have been reduced to a few, small piles I step in from time to time.

So, to all the special needs moms out there I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. Slow down and do something you enjoy.  Go have a glass of wine with your girlfriends. Take a day or at least an afternoon to do nothing but fun things you enjoy. Please carry that with you each day as you make your way down that rocky road. That’s what is in my noggin this week.

~Teresa 🙂

Nick Sox game