Posted in Autism, Down syndrome, Government/Legal Matters Related to Special Needs

Blog #64~When Your Child With Special Needs Hits Adult Age

Blog #64~ When Your Child With Special Needs Hits Adult Age

What happens when a child with special needs hit the age of 18?  While other parents are busy visiting college campuses and searching for extra-long sheets for the dorm bed, a parent with a child with special needs is going down a different path.

Nick’s legs are long and hairy like a man, but he still enjoys sitting like a kid.  That along with watching Disney movies and Thomas the Tank Engine….. Welcome to Nick’s world 🙂

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Our son, Nick has Down syndrome and autism.  He is unable to take care of himself and live independently.  When he turned 18 years old we had to file with the court to become his legal guardian.  This process involves a trip to the courthouse to fill out paperwork, pays some fees, secure a court date and then appear in court before a judge with your child. We did not use an attorney but the advantage would be that you get in the queue faster.  Each year you are required to submit an annual report, (available from the county courthouse website), 30 days before the yearly court date.

The next step was to apply for SSI (Supplemental Security Income.)  Supplemental Security Income (or SSI) is a United States government program that provides stipends to low-income people who are either aged (65 or older), blind, or disabled. It is administered by the Social Security Administration and funded from the U.S. Treasury general funds, not the Social Security trust fund.  The application process can be done online (www.socialsecurity.gov).  Once this is processed, a phone interview is scheduled where the application is reviewed and verified.  Determination of how much the stipend will be is based on the applicant’s income, residency/ living arrangement, and resources.

The next item of business in our state was this;  when a child with special needs turns the age of 19 in the state of Illinois, it is required that you apply with the Department of Human Services (DHS) for the adult waiver which covers medical benefits and funding for respite care.  Nick had been receiving state funding through a child based waiver under the umbrella of Medicare.  The funds are used for medical benefits if needed and respite care which allows me to still teach my classes and go out and go out and have a life on occasion.  It is essential to do this before the end of the month of the child’s 19th birthday.  I found myself tangled up in some major *red tape not realizing this.  Be sure and scroll back to Blog #44~Who’s in Control? ( scroll down the right side to the March 2013 archives) for the full story about that debacle! Spoiler alert in case you missed Blog #44 the first time….. oh my!  🙂

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Managing a child over the age of 18 years old has become a part time job.  Every month, all the receipts on Nick’s expenses have to be entered on a spreadsheet to manage his checking account. If the account gets above a specified amount, SSI will be denied.  Each year the annual reports and accounting records have to be reviewed by the county judge and the Social Security Administration. The matters associated with becoming an adult special needs citizen is serious business.  Staying on top of things is essential.  Many school districts offer transition fairs and provide guest speakers who offer valuable information regarding how to navigate through the hoops of bureaucracy.    My advice is to take advantage and learn all you can before your child hits adult age. Oh, one last note~ All 18-year-old males must register for the draft, that’s right even those with special needs. The image of Nick wearing a camo uniform holding a M-16, priceless. 🙂 That’s what is in my noggin this week.

~Teresa

*Red Tape is a derogatory term for bureaucratic methods, derived from the fastening for departmental bundles of documents in Britain. 

red tape documents

 According to Wikipedia:

The origin of the term is somewhat obscure, but it is first noted in historical records in the 16th century when Henry VIII besieged Pope Clement VII with around eighty or so petitions for the annulment of his marriage to Catherine of Aragon. A photo of the petitions from Cardinal Wolsey and others, now stored in the Vatican archives, can be seen on page 160 of “Saints and Sinners, a history of The Popes”, by Eamon Duffy (published by Yale University Press in 1997). The documents can be viewed rolled and stacked in their original condition, each one sealed and bound with the obligatory red tape, as was the custom.

It appears likely that it was the Spanish administration of Charles V in the early 16th century, who started to use the red tape in an effort to modernize the administration that was running his vast empire. The red tape was used to bind the important administrative dossiers that had to be discussed by the Council of State, and separate them from the issues that were treated in an ordinary administrative way, which were bound by an ordinary rope.

All American Civil War veterans’ records were bound in red tape, and the difficulty in accessing them led to the modern American use of the term,[5] but there is evidence (as detailed above) that the term was in use in its modern sense sometime before this.”

Posted in Autism, Fun Side of Nick

Blog #63~Furry Family Members

Blog #63~Furry Family Members

It is with great sadness that I begin this piece by telling you that our cat of 17 years has passed away.  She has been such a part of our family history and will be dearly missed.

I posted this picture on Facebook last Saturday and received so many thoughtful sentiments.  I often post pictures and updates about Miss Mellie.  It appears she had quite a following……..

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I loved her from afar.”

“She warmed the hearts of many of us on Facebook too.”

“Miss Mellie stories have been endearing and a bright spot in my week.”

“We take in theses wonderful animals, love them, take care of them and they become part of our family. Part of our daily routine, part of our home and part of our life. When they are gone it is like an emptiness that is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have a pet. But those of us who do…we understand your pain and wish we could help you. miss seeing her face.”

“So sad, I will miss the Mellie stories.”

“Oh, I am so sorry. A furry loss is a tough one.”

Our son, Nick who has Down syndrome and autism had a lot of fun with Miss Mellie over the years.  If you are a regular follower of the blog you know about a lot of the pranks he has pulled on her.  Nick’s antics have given me enough material to write two blogs, Stuff on My Cat (Blog #33 located in the December 2012 archives) and Stuff on My Cat, Part II (located in the July 2013 archives.)  Here are the last two things he put on our sweet, gray tabby 🙂

Oh no, looks like Miss Mellie is getting some deep pressure with the therapy ball….

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Nick thought she might enjoy some music, rock on kitty……

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Harold makes a rough landing into the cat food.  Hardy har har, Nick 🙂

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On our cross country move from Livermore, California here to the Chicagoland area we stopped for the night in Reno. Six year old Nick decided to do a little “Magic Mike” action for Miss Mellie.  I don’t think she was too impressed……..

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A sweet moment between Nick and our cat. By the way, he hasn’t handed me the icon picture of her out of his PECS communication book yet.  But I know he will soon.  That moment will be a tearful one for me 😦

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She shared so much love with our family and friends. She adored being in Hank’s arms and seem to comfortably nestle there……

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Snuggled in with Al, she was a good lap cat…..

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She insisted on being on my lap, helping me to write 🙂

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I will miss so many things about our cat like how she follows the sun beams throughout the day and running into the kitchen whenever she heard the can opener, tuna!…….

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How she parked herself in front of the fireplace during the winter months waiting for  the hearth to be prepared for her……

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Most of all I will miss our lap time together, the sound of her purring, her warmth and the love that she gave all of us. Thank you KB (my cat loving friend), for framing this picture and giving it to me last Christmas.  I will cherish it always…….

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A younger and heavier Mellie that my sister, Laura gave me… Aaahh she’s so cute…..

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My friend Jimmie P. shared this quote on my Facebook wall…..

There has never been a cat who couldn’t calm me down by walking slowly past my chair.”
~Rod McCuan

That’s what is in my noggin this week.  Rest in peace, Miss Mellie.

~Teresa

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Posted in Autism, Autism Safety and Wandering

Blog #62~Wandering and Autism, Part II

Blog #62~Wandering and Autism, Part II

One of the worst nightmares any parent can experience is a missing child. It’s awful to imagine that it can happen.  Being prepared is important in case the nightmare ever becomes a reality.

A few weeks ago in Blog #60~Wandering and Autism @https://nickspecialneeds.wordpress.com/2013/07/01/blog-60wandering-and-autism/   I wrote about a personal experience we had when Nick took off and provided some safety tips and links.  This week I want to expand on this topic and provide more resources that I have found.

I placed a call to our local police department here in Aurora, IL to see what systems they had in place for dealing with a lost child who has special needs.  The detective assured me that all missing child cases are handled as high priority.  Canine units are also utilized in searches as well.  I found it interesting that all intersections are equipped with cameras that are monitored 24/7.  Since this phone call I have provided the police department with the vital information about my son Nick, who has Down syndrome and autism.

Information to provide to local police department:

Child’s name

Home address with names of family members and phone numbers

Child’s diagnosis/ is the child verbal or non-verbal?

Physical features (height, weight, etc…)

Behavior concerns (no fear of danger, possibility of a meltdown, how to approach child)

Current school

Our address is now flagged in the department’s data base with this information.  Check with your local police department to see what system they have in place.  Some departments such as nearby Naperville and Plainfield, IL both offer the GPS bracelets (through the police departments) for special needs kids and the elderly with a tendency to wander.  The bracelet costs about $150.  Radio monitoring kicks in upon calling 911.  There is no cost and the police are in charge of this. If there is a financial hardship, check to see if the department will waive the cost of the bracelet. The device is called Care-Trak  (www.caretrak.com).

caretrak bracelet

Here is another site with some great safety devices and information:

http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/resource-library/safety-products

In addition, there are phone apps that are available for monitoring and providing information to the authorities about your child.  Here are a few that I found:

iPhone Baby Monitor ($4.99) acts much like a baby monitor does to watch your child while they are sleeping.

Kids ID ($3.99) Takes recent pictures of your kids so they are readily available, plus you can input their size, medical history, and other important data that would help law enforcement find your child as soon as possible. The app allows you to send all of your child’s information directly to law-enforcement agencies.

kids id phone app

KidStatz ($0.99) provides you with the opportunity to store information about your kids in the iPhone that can later be shared with law enforcement if they go missing. As with Kids ID, the app lets you to take a picture of your kids, input important identifying information, what kind of medical conditions they have, and any birth marks or other identifying information that might help law enforcement find your children. The app also provides a way to e-mail or call law enforcement to quickly react to your missing child.

Pictures and videos of your child in a natural setting (not forced smiles) are advisable to have available for officers as well.  If your child is drawn to anything (railroad, water, small spaces, etc..) be sure to include that information to the police department.

The following advanced GPS locaters range from $125-$250 and the monthly monitoring fees vary:

Angel Sense GPS tracking device (www.angelsense.com)

Amber Alert GPS tracking device (www.amberalertgps.com)

Trax GPS tracking device (www.traxfamily.com)

Being prepared and proactive is vital if you have a child who wanders or likes to bolt.  I hope these tips and links will help insure the safety of all children and especially those who have autism and other special needs.  That’s what is in my noggin this week!

~Teresa

Posted in Autism, Fun Side of Nick

Blog #61~Stuff On My Cat Part II

Blog #61~ Stuff on my Cat Part II

Stuff + Cats= Awesome

stuff on my cat book

That’s the motto for the internet phenomenon called “Stuff on my cat.”  Here’s what Amazon wrote about this book by Mario Garza:

“It began with a handful of digital photographs of office supplies, toys, and spare computer parts thoughtfully placed on Mario Garza’s snoozing cat, Love. Over time, the objects became bigger: remote controls, shoes, empty pizza boxes. And then cat owners everywhere were sucked into the Internet phenomenon that is defined by a simple motto: stuff + cats = awesome.  Culled from the thousands of outrageous photographs submitted by mischievous animal lovers, here are 200 of the most unbelievably entertaining images of cats with all manner of things on them: wigs, Easter eggs, dogs, cheeseburgers, cookware, gummi bears, action figures, tiaras, beer cans, pinecones, a statue of the Buddha, and much more. An introduction by the site’s creator explains the Stuff on My Cat philosophy, and playful illustrations and graphics are sprinkled throughout.”

In Blog #33~Stuff On My Cat (located in the December 2012 Archives), I wrote and shared numerous pictures of random objects we put on our cats over the years.  Why do we do this?  I have to embrace Mario Garza’s philosophy to answer this one.  Our cats rule the house.  Sleeping all day long wherever the sun radiates, claiming the fresh, warm laundry as their “personal paradise” and plopping on your lap even if you just want to sit down for a second.

God forbid you disturb them.  I have to contort my legs with bizarre yoga moves  slinking out of bed so as not to disturb her slumber. She wields her power at 5:00 a.m. letting out piercing cries and meows that sound as if you haven’t fed her in a week.  So, why put stuff on our cats?  Mario Garza is right on his philosophy:  “There is a very satisfying shift of power going on.  Now I’m in control when I sneak up behind her while she naps and put a pancake on top of her head-checkmate.” 🙂

Check out a few from the website www.stuffonmycat.com……

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stuff on cat with cig

stuff on my cat glasses

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Nick loves to do this too,  he is 19 and has Down syndrome and autism.  Here are some of the stunts he’s pulled on our 16+ year old  tabby……..

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Mellie has some company, Nick’s plush animals and a Taco Bell dog….

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Another deluge of toys along with a package of microwave popcorn…..

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Mellie is trying to relax in her 1:00 p.m. sun spot.  Nick had other ideas his PECS icons, (Picture Exchange System.) I think he was communicating that he missed his brother, Hank and friend/respite worker, Bobby……

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Apparently Nick thinks Mellie is expecting an important call…. 🙂

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More fun with PECS icons….Nick mapped out his agenda last Friday…….

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“Oh Kitty, go get me some Sprite please!”

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I get a kick out of how creative Nick is and appreciate his mischievous side.  Here is one of Nick who had been “stimming” (a trait of autism) with my makeup mirror. He fell asleep next to the cat who had melded herself to a warm towel out of  the dryer…… apparently the cat doesn’t hold a grudge….. 🙂

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Speaking of being mischievous, here are a couple I did.  Oh I just can’t resist every once in awhile…. hee, hee, hee…… 🙂

Cinco de Mayo Mellie….. Ole!

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“The Graduate”

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Hope you enjoyed the second installment of stuff on my cat.  Next week I will get back to part two of “Wandering and Autism”.  Sometimes its fun to be mischievous. That’s what is in my noggin this week, meow!

~Teresa 🙂

 

 

Posted in Autism, Autism Safety and Wandering, Dual Diagnosis Down syndrome and autism

Blog #60~Wandering and Autism: 7 Prevention Strategies

Blog #60~ Wandering and Autism: 7 Prevention Strategies

Wandering and autism

HEADLINES…… 

“Car hits, kills 11-year-old autistic boy on the Katy Freeway” 

“Body found in pond is missing autistic child” 

“Autistic boy found dead, face down in a lake”

A lost child is a parent’s worst nightmare. Sadly, the headlines above are just a sample of instances involving wandering/elopement and autism all over the country.

Much like the wandering behaviors in seniors with dementia or Alzheimer’s, children and adults with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are prone to wandering away from a safe environment.  A study done by The Interactive Autism Network through the Kennedy Krieger Institute found this: “49% of children with autism attempt to elope from a safe environment, a rate nearly four times higher than their unaffected siblings. Two in three parents of elopers reported their missing children had a “close call” with a traffic injury. Thirty-two percent of parents reported a “close call” with a possible drowning.”

I understand this fear all too well.  There have been a several occasions where Nick has wandered, taken off at the pool and bolted down the street.  Nick is 19 years old and has a dual diagnosis of Down syndrome and autism (DS-ASD).  He has deficits in the areas of language and cognitive function which limits his understanding of safety.  He has no concept of danger.

One day when Nick 11 years old he was on the swing set in the backyard.  His Dad stepped inside to grab a baseball hat for a second.  Something made me stop and put down the garden shovel next to the flat of flowers. I walked around to the backyard.   He was gone.

Al came out the patio door.  I shouted to him, “Did Nick go inside?”

“No, I just came in for a second to grab a baseball hat.”

I felt a hot wave run through my body as I climbed up the burm, the slow crested hill that separated the backyard from the busy street.

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Al had recently ruptured his Achilles tendon and was wearing a therapy boot.  He hobbled up slowly behind me.  There was nothing but a stream of fast-moving cars pacing the road behind our house.

 I called out to his older brother, “Hank, go to the front and check with the neighbors and see if anyone saw him okay. Do it now!”

My neighbor came over, “I saw him a few minutes ago.  He got off the swing and started chasing a bunny.”  He pointed his finger left, “He ran that way.”

In the Midwest, the yards blend from one to the next in a seamless row like football fields connected one after the other. I squinted hoping to see some movement.  There was nothing,  just eerie silence. I took off running.  A dozen houses down, nothing.  Over ten minutes had passed since he had gone missing. I was in panic mode, my body was shaking and legs began to fatigue.  I kept sprinting but there were only five houses left before the subdivision entrance.   Suddenly, I saw a small figure running. “Nick stop now!”

He just kept going.  My strides turned into leaps.  I caught up with him 2 houses before he reached the subdivision entrance.  He looked at me as if nothing was wrong.  We walked in silence back home.  I gripped his hand tightly and counted how many houses he had run passed.  Final count=20 houses!

It makes me sick to my stomach recalling that horrible day. We have since put some things in place as a precaution to keep Nick safe. What can families do to insure the safety of their child?  In my research, I found an excellent website called AWAARE which stands for Autism Wandering Awareness Alerts Response Educationwww.awaare.org.  This site has a comprehensive list of tips, materials and tools.

7 TIPS FOR WANDERING AND AUTISM RISK MANAGEMENT:

1. Secure your home

Install secure door locks, home security systems, install inexpensive battery operated alarms on door and window to alert when opened. Place hook and eye locks on all doors above your childs reach.  Fence in the yard and put visuals like stop signs to doors.

Here is what we have on our doors…….

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2. Get an ID Bracelet

Medic Alert, www.medicalert.org  is what Nick wears and it stays on him firm.

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Another popular bracelet is called Project Lifesaver, www.projectlifesaver.org.

3. Consider a mobile tracking device

Project Lifesaver (https://projectlifesaver.org), Angel Sense https://www.angelsense.com) and LoJack SafetyNet (www.safetynetbylojack.com) services have wrist and ankle tracking devices.  There are many other mobile GPS tracking systems you can purchase at Best Buy and other big box stores along with phone apps as well.  See the resource page on the AWAARE website above for more information.

4. Teach your child to swim

A large percentage of the headlines for wandering and autism end tragically because of drowning deaths.  Children are often drawn to water.  Check your local YMCA or special recreation association for swim lessons.

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5. Alert your neighbors

Make a simple handout with your name, address, phone number, information about your child (autism, non-verbal etc….) and include a photograph of your child.   Ask them to call you immediately if they see your child outside of your home.

6. Alert First Responders

Provide the local police and fire stations with key information before an incident occurs. Ask your local police department if they have a data base and registration program for individuals with special needs. See the AWAARE website given above for printable handouts.  There is also a free Big Red Safety Toolkit with free downloads on wandering and prevention.

7. Work with an ABA Therapist on a Behavior Plan

A BCBA certified behavior therapist can help with understanding the child’s goal and triggers that cause them to wander. The child may be trying to get to something they prefer, or avoid something they don’t want to do. When you can determine the function of this behavior, you can put supports and strategies in place to decrease wandering or bolting. If the behavior is occuring in school, address this with the IEP team and put measures in place to insure safety for your child.

Nick still requires 24/7 supervision and the house is sealed up like Fort Knox.  As a family we have to make sure there is always a designated watchman.  After doing this research on autism and wandering, I understand the necessity to be proactive and more responsible. Next stop: Make a call into the local police and fire stations to see what they have in place for wandering and persons with autism and other special needs in our community.   Discussion of this topic needs to continue.  I will be researching more tracking and monitoring devices.  Look for this on Part Two of  Autism and Wandering within the next two weeks.

That’s what is in my noggin this week!

~Teresa 🙂

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Posted in Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC), Autism, Fun Side of Nick

Blog #59~ The Sleuth Detective

Blog #59~ The Sleuth Detective

The iPod has disappeared, here we go again…..geesh.  One of the many “gifts” that Nick has given me besides razor sharp reflexes is a keen eye as a sleuth detective.

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Things have a way of vanishing into a *black hole around here.

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Since Nick has Down syndrome and autism and limited verbal skills, I can’t exactly ask him to back track his steps to find his iPod.  I showed him the media bin where it’s should be kept as I signed the word, “help.”

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Then, I pointed to the icon in his communication book asking him where is it?  I am met with a blank stare.  So, I take off to check the usual spots.  First stop, behind the couch….nada.  Next, a peer underneath my bed….nil. Now I have to do some back tracking.  When did he have his iPod last?  Over twenty minutes have past as I searched the house.  Then I remembered he was hanging out in Hank’s room.  I do a full room scan for a few minutes then zero in on the bed.  I pulled the comforter back…..bingo!

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A few weeks ago I thought I was losing my mind.  I had a stack of letters sitting on the kitchen counter that I was going to mail the next day.  Poof, they were gone.  I sent a text to Al to see if he had mailed them…… nope.  I followed the trail again checking the usual spots….crickets……

“Oh great, now what?  Please don’t be in the trash.”

I dug my way down the garbage, picking through as coffee grounds and gunk stuck to my hands.  No luck.

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Finally I had one last thought.  I opened the door to the basement that is in a state of disarray after being flooded  from the spring rains in April………

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There’s an hour of my life I will never get back. 

What is the worst thing that has vanished in the black hole?  The entire contents (10 pages) filled with icons out of Nick’s communication book.  I spent a day and a half a day sniffing out every trail I could think of that Nick might have taken.  I couldn’t imagine having to make all those icons, laminate and apply the Velcro again.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

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I went into the bathroom to see if he might have flushed them down the toilet. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.  In Blog #21~ What is Normal?  (located in the September 2012 archives), I wrote about the time my leopard reader glasses went missing.  I always keep them next to the laptop in the same place.  The next day Sergio, our plumber was fixing a clogged toilet……

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“I found out why your toilet was clogged. You can still wear theeeese glasses they were in clean water, not poopy water.”

Leopard readers back in it’s rightful place…..

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The toilet flushed just fine, what a relief…..  The next day, I went to get Nick’s work bins that are stored on a high shelf in the laundry room.  I glanced inside one.  He had emptied his book one by one and put them all in here.  Whew……Thank goodness! 🙂

Communication Book restored, we dodged a bullet on that one…..

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The phone went missing a few weeks ago. The phone is easy to find since you can hit the intercom button, but not this time.  Finally I discovered it tucked in the blue bin where I keep my blow dryer. Normally I just reach up and pull the dryer out, but last Thursday and I pulled the whole bin down.  Mystery solved, inside there it sat, the long, lost uncharged phone.

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It seems as I write this piece there is a pattern emerging.   Nick definitely likes to drop things, but then other times he likes to put them up in those high bins. Note to self for the next thing that drops into the black hole. There are no lessons
to be learned this week.  It’s just a slice of life in Nick’s world…. The rest of us are just trying to keep up!  That’s what is in my noggin.

~Teresa

*According to Wikipedia:  “A black hole is a region of space-time from which gravity prevents anything, including light, from escaping.[1] The theory of general relativity predicts that a sufficiently compact mass will deform space-time to form a black hole. Around a black hole, there is a mathematically defined surface called an event horizon that marks the point of no return. The hole is called “black” because it absorbs all the light that hits the horizon, reflecting nothing, just like a perfect black body in thermodynamics.”

Posted in Autism, Education and Special Needs

Blog #58~ Dad’s Tool Kit

Blog #58~ Dad’s Tool Kit

How does a man growing up land locked in Hot Springs, Arkansas end up racing sailboats on Galveston Bay?  That’s my Dad.  Indulge me this week, I am missing him.  Tommy graduated with a master’s degree from The University of Arkansas and landed a job at as a Research Chemist at Shell Oil Company which brought him to the waters. He built his first boat on his own and fell in love with the sailing.

Dad on the boat he built……..

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I think about lessons that I learned from him. It was never formal like those polite moments in the pristine living room between the Beaver and Ward Cleaver.  I just noticed things.

Ward Cleaver

Here’s what I picked up from Dad’s tool kit………

 1. Keep your car clean and vacuumed

Dad was always washing cars, rubbing the interior with a rag and kept them vacuumed on a regular basis. He kept the 1974 green Nova sedan and later the 1981 beige Chevy Chevette immaculate.  I cringe when I see a car with empty cola drinks and bags of fast food discarded in the back seat like it’s a dumpster.  Dad showed me that it was a sign of respect to take care of your valuables.  So there laid the seeds for my need to have order.

When it comes to raising children you need order, especially with a child such as Nick, who has Down syndrome and autism.  A predictable and orderly environment helps him make sense of his world and be able to function better.  It helps me as well to feel in control and stay anchored.

2. Dab it with Mercurochrome™

Dad skipped the Band-Aid opting for Mercurochrome™ instead.  He would douse his cuts and scrapes with this awful red-orange stained antiseptic.

mercurochrome

When I was a kid there was a wart on my leg that would not go away. The over-the-counter treatments from the drugstore didn’t do a thing to rid it.  One evening Dad brought some dry ice from work.  He applied it to the wart.  Within a matter of days, it disappeared.  He and mom made sure I had my own fully loaded toolbox when I moved into my own home.  When I started gardening, he gave me one of his sturdy shovels.  I still use that same shovel each spring when I plant the tomato seedlings. In a way, he is right there with me.

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Sometimes finding your own way to take care of things can produce better results.  Over the years I have learned to find my own solutions when Nick came upon a hurdle in his development.  You can’t expect the IEP team members, therapists or doctors to have all the answers.  Sometimes you have to dig on your own to figure out what will work best for your child.  Don’t settle for just a Band-Aid.

3.Read the Wall Street Journal daily

Every morning Dad read the paper and did the crossword puzzle.  Upon retirement he became a regular at the La Porte Library reading the daily Wall Street Journal there. What a thirst for knowledge.  None of us could keep up when Jeopardy was on. Just as Alex Trebek spoke and barely finished his phrase my Dad would have the answer.

Never stop reading and educating yourself. It is essential for parents who have a child with special needs to keep up with the latest news, research.  Education is empowerment and as a parent you owe it to your child to be an informed advocate.

4.Why not give it a try?

In the winter, when the garden was dormant, Dad would bake long loaves of French or pumpernickel bread.

Beard on Bread

For a while Pops got on this Asian cuisine kick.  Once we attempted to make our own eggroll skins.  It was labor intensive and we never mastered the art of getting them thin enough. In hindsight I would suggest just buying the readymade skins at the store.

Dad also travelled extensively across the world when he retired. Whether it was flying across a zip line in Costa Rica in his 70’s or dancing Swan Lake wearing a tutu along with stripped tube socks and Sperry Top Siders  while on a cruise in Russia, he embraced it fully.

Having a child with special needs can bring many limitations to a family.  It’s easy to stay in the safe shell of home but there’s a problem with this.  Your world can become too narrow.  Al and I have tried not to let this happen. Nick has traveled with us on vacations including three different trips overseas to England, France and Spain.  Was it easy?….. NO!

Can it be done?…… YES!

Big Bend in London along with Grandma Theresa (oh no not the fanny pack again)…… 🙂

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I never imagined Nick could go scuba diving. But he did! 🙂  If you haven’t read this story check it out, (See Blog #53~ Scuba, Really?  located in the May 2013 archives).  Sometimes the bread comes out perfect.  Other times it’s a big flop, like those sad little egg roll skins.  But you have to give new things a try.  Grab onto that zip line and just hold on tight!

5. There ain’t no crying in baseball

no crying in baseball

Dad loved this movie, A League of Their Own.  A few years ago, at age 76, he got the diagnosis of stage four lung cancer.  I will never forget the message he sent via email quoting that line in the header of his note to family and friends.  Here it is in part……

“While you all are now sitting there long-faced and maybe teary, let me tell you some of the good side: 

I’ve had 76 years (so far) of a great life with a wonderful family and friends.  Over 17 years of retirement, with trips to Europe, Asia, Africa, South and Central America, down under, to mention a few.  And a terrrific  2nd life as an Ensign sailor/crew.”

Raising a child with special needs has brought many obstacles.  Nothing ever comes easy.  Often things seem impossible and unbearable.  Sadness is part of life.  I’ve had my share of pity parties over the past 19 years.  But Dad showed me how to handle problems with quiet dignity.  As I re-read his words above I am reminded of the fact that there are many beautiful things in life that you should always try to keep in the forefront.  Nick’s infectious smile and sense of humor…. Well it’s pretty “terrrrific!” 🙂

Nick and his cousin, Austin playing with Paw-Paw Tommy…..

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Hope you enjoyed some of the tools I have picked up from Pops over the years.  That’s what is in my noggin this week.

~Teresa

Posted in Autism, Down syndrome, Education and Special Needs

Blog #57~ Community Jobs and Nick

Blog #57~ Community Jobs and Nick

How does someone who has special needs of both Down syndrome and autism find work in the community?  This week I am excited to have a guest blogger.  I asked Sara Stoodley, the Vocational Coordinator at Nick’s high school to write a few thoughts on Nick’s jobs.   In Blog #46~ A Day in the Life of Nick (located in the March 2013 archives) I wrote about a typical day at school along with his community jobs. He has some in school jobs such as working in the cafeteria, washing PE clothes and shredding.  Out in the community he worked at three different sites.  He worked at Tabor Hills (elderly residence home) doing maintenance, Re-Store- Habitat for Humanity (packaging and maintenance) and Adopt Pet Shelter (sorting newspapers for the animal cages.)  I think it is interesting to get different perspectives on Nick. 🙂 Here’s what Sara had to share:

Community Jobs and Nick

By Sara Stoodley, Vocational Coordinator MVHS

Nick working cookies

It’s hard to believe it’s been two year since I began working with Nick-what a wild ride! In my 10 years of working in this field, Nick is one of the most unique individuals I have ever worked with!  When I began at Metea last year, I began developing work training sites for ALL of our students, and I never imagined Nick not being a part of that. Through his time in community work block, he has increased his endurance, time on task, initiative, and his willingness to try new experiences. Given who Nick is, you must always be on your toes! Overall, Nick has had more good days than bad, and when they’re good they’re GOOD, but when they’re bad, they’re BAD.

Two stories come to mind:

THE GOOD: In his last week at Tabor Hills, he had an amazing day!!!! Each week, his job is to vacuum an area within the facility. All year, at both sites in which he vacuums we have been working with him to independently get the vacuum, unravel the cord, plug it in, turn on the vacuum, and start working. Most times, Nick needs a prompt to complete each of the steps as he will lollygag, get distracted, sit on the floor, etc. However, on this day, he completed the whole process by himself!!! What a huge accomplishment for Nick! It was also very rewarding for the team of people that he works with to see that he does have it in him 🙂

Nick tabor hills

THE BAD: Two words-FIRE ALARM! Nick always has staff with him 1:1 while he works and everyone that works with him is aware of the thrill the sounds of a fire alarm have on him.  However, one day last year, he was a sneaky little fox at Tabor Hills, a supported living facility, and identified an alarm that he had not previously recognized and he got it!!! Can you imagine the panic that went through the staff that was with him, the residents, the facility staff, and the community? Staff immediately responded to alert the administrators that it was indeed Nick who pulled the fire alarm and that there was no immediate danger but in the moment, YOWZA! Great response by all and well Nick, he was pretty proud of himself  🙂

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The team is only as strong as its members. In my time working with Nick, it has always been a team. Given my role in the building, the opportunity for 1:1 time with students is limited so I rely on Nick’s team (Teachers, Support staff, Speech Pathologist, Social Worker, Occupational Therapist, etc) to assist me in finding the balance, learning his needs, and working to support the development of work skills while always striving for more for both him and our employers!

Nick has strengthened my belief that all students deserve and should be out working. He has increased my marketing repertoire as I have, at times, had to work to keep him at the job sites given who he is as an individual.  He has reminded me that there is never a dull moment and to always be on my toes as you never know what he is going to throw at you! What a pleasure and experience it has been, thank you Nick!

Nick doing packaging at Re-Store- Habitat for Humanity with Miss R…….

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A special thank you to Sara Stoodley for sharing her perspective of how Nick operates in his community jobs.  That’s what is in my noggin this week. 🙂

~Teresa

Posted in Autism, Down syndrome, Recreation/Leisure and Special Needs

Blog #54~Mom Helpline

Blog #54~Mom Helpline

What did I want for Mother’s Day?  ……………………. Just the sound of crickets.…..

I applaud the moms who enjoy breakfast in bed served by their kids.  I am not there anymore.  Really all I want is a little peace.  For me, it is having the luxury to take some time to do simple errands. Not rushing at a mad pace. It’s a gift just knowing that someone is watching Nick so I don’t have to bust my ass to get home.   And so I did.  I took my time after teaching two spin classes. I drove out of work slowly taking a chill pace towards Oswego.  I  stopped off at Ulta, Kohls, Target.  Oh how I love you three amigos!  Ladies, you are with me here, right? 🙂

So I got my wish, to breathe, stretch my arms out and enjoy doing what I like.  I also received a nice handmade gift from Nick.

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It lasted less than a day hanging on the shepherds hook.  A menacing squirrel plucked it off and darted across the yard holding it in his mouth.  Al got my favorites,  Yankee Candles and a new fountain for the deck.  That’s how I get my Zen on.

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While Nick showers me with little kisses, his older brother is more understated. Hank quietly posted a message on Facebook, “Happy Mother’s Day, Madre!  You’re the best.”

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Later he emerged out of the shower clean shaven and said, “This is your mother’s day gift.”  He knows exactly how to win his Madre’s heart.

While I was out driving yesterday and I pondered on what to write about for this week.  How is being a mom of a child with special needs different?  The images of my all my fellow warrior moms came to mind.  The path we were given is worn with sleeplessness that extends for years.  The basic milestones like eating solid foods, walking, talking, and potty training take longer to reach.  Some of these may never be met. The ones that do get met are sweet and savory.  Warrior moms become experts on their child’s diagnosis and IEP’s (Individualized Education Plans.)  They learn a whole new vocabulary of words from doctors, educators, speech, occupational and physical therapists.  They juggle schedules to all of these therapies and carve out time to attend conferences and seminars to learn more about how to improve the quality of life for their child. They become advocates for their child and help others who follow behind them.  Those with children who have behavior problems have to shift gears during a mid laundry fold and clean up a splatter or cut a meltdown off at the pass.

This is just one of many things Nick has dumped out.  For the full list check out Blog #3~Getting Your Goat, located in the April 2012 Archives!

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Sometimes the meltdowns just happen and the warrior mom has to maintain patience while their child is hitting, biting, pinching, kicking and destroying everything in their path.  It’s not all doom and gloom.  Having a son like Nick who has Down syndrome and autism can also bring sweetness, innocence and unconditional love.  That is what keeps me fueled as I take a breath and get ready for another day.

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What can you do to help a mom with a child who has special needs?  It means a great deal when I get a message, text or card.  Knowing that someone is thinking about you can really make a person’s day.  Offer to babysit or help a mom find respite care. “The Care.Com Team” provides a list of caregivers who have experience working with special needs children. Watch for signs that a family is becoming to isolated.  Sometimes being in the trenches, we might not realize how bad things have gotten. During the height of Nick’s puberty period, my in-laws (Jim and Theresa) saw that we were in over our heads. They found some resources and parents to help us find a new path for dealing with the difficult problems we were having.  Reaching out and finding support is essential.   This can be through a local group like NADS (National Association for Down Syndrome).  There are many groups online and through Facebook that I have found to be helpful such as “MyAutismTeam,” “Circle of Moms,” and “Mom2Mom” which has a hotline 1-877-914-Mom2.  There are many more listed under my resource page.

Today there is no school so I wasn’t sure how well I would be able to concentrate to do this piece. Nick was up earlier playing his iPod loudly and pushing buttons as I tried to sleep with one eye open. Over an hour later he crawled in bed next to me.  Surprisingly, he is taking a page out of his brother’s book, still sleeping in now. 🙂

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It’s 11:00am and all I hear is the dull hum of the refrigerator and the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard.  No iPod or Thomas the Tank Engine blaring, no water faucets running full blast, no phone intercom or microwave buttons being pushed.  Just crickets…………

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Cheers to all you moms out there and may your Mother’s Day wishes come true. That’s what is in my noggin this week.

~Teresa

Posted in Autism, Down syndrome, Recreation/Leisure and Special Needs

Blog #53~Scuba Diving, Really?

Blog #53~Scuba Diving, Really?

About a month ago I clicked the inbox to purge emails.  I spotted one from Nick’s Adapted Physical Education (APE) teacher. Subject:  Scuba diving…What the? I laughed picturing Nick strapped down with all that equipment on his back and around his face.  I can’t even get him to leave a hat on for more than thirty seconds.  I started to hit delete but something made me pause.  I skimmed the information and hit reply.  “I am not sure this is something that Nick could tolerate.  What do you think?”

His APE teacher, Meredith Jordan wrote back.  “I think we should give it a try! He really enjoys swimming and has no problem putting his head under water. He has also done an awesome job responding to directions given to him during class. It can’t hurt to try!”

Good point, what did we have to lose?  After all, he does love to swim….See Blog #17~Life’s a Beach @https://wordpress.com/post/nickspecialneeds.com/459 for more about Nick’s swimming experiences.

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I read through the information, watched an ABC news piece and checked out the website (www.diveheart.org.)

Scuba diving is the only activity in the world that has zero gravity. And the enjoyment of that zero gravity gives people with various physical disabilities a special freedom.  Jim Elliot started the organization called Diveheart and has been working with divers with disabilities since 1997.  Elliot states that, “There’s a very, very short learning curve in scuba diving with for people with disabilities and without disabilities.”  “Diveheart is a nonprofit whose mission is to build confidence and independence in children, adults and veterans with disabilities through the activity of scuba diving,” said Elliot. “We serve all disabilities. Kids with autism and Down syndrome, the vets coming back with traumatic brain injuries, amputations it doesn’t matter. The only thing that keeps you from diving is pressure related illnesses, open wounds and people with seizures can’t go deep.”

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Fast forward to last week….  I opened up my laptop and found this in my inbox from Mrs. Jordan.  I was stunned!

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Here’s what Mrs. Jordan wrote about Nick’s scuba experience…..”It’s pretty cool; I was getting emotional watching him. He did such an awesome job and I was so impressed with how relaxed he was during the entire process. He followed their instructions without any hesitation. I would definitely recommend trying this again possibly with the same organization. The Diveheart instructors used verbal instructions for Nick. They did show him how to open his mouth wide to get the breathing piece all the way in. They thoroughly explained to him everything they were doing. They did not use visual pictures at all. I had a peer partner in the water with him assisting the instructor. The instructor did have to hold the breathing piece in his mouth for a while until Nick realized he had to hold it. Once he got the hang of it he did not want to come up! He was SO relaxed the entire time. They had pretend fish/water toys in the water and Nick LOVED diving for them! Needless to say, he did not want to get out of the water. He was in for about an hour!”

Look at my frogman go :)….

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Diving for toys…..

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Sometimes I have to remind myself not to set limits on Nick.  Mrs. Jordan was right, it can’t hurt to try. Thank you Mrs. Jordan and Diveheart! 🙂 I am very grateful for Nick to be given this opportunity.  I would never have thought to try something like this.  Lesson learned, sometimes you have to *Think outside the box.

thinking outside the box

That’s what is in my noggin this week.  🙂

~Teresa

*Thinking Outside the Box according to The Phrase Finder means to think creatively, unimpeded by orthodox or conventional constraints.  It originated in the USA in the late 1960s/early 1970s. It has become something of a cliché, especially in the business world, where ‘thinking outside the box’ has become so hackneyed as to be rather meaningless. The ‘box’, with its implication of rigidity and squareness, symbolizes constrained and unimaginative thinking.