Blog #50~ Up, Down and Somewhere in Between
Life has its ups and downs like a roller coaster. The highs from a peak adrenaline rush don’t last forever. What goes up must come down. Then there are those periods of in between. Over the weekend we attended the National Down Syndrome Association (NADS) Behavior Retreat. This is unique group of kindred spirits all which have children with Down syndrome and autism. This support group always divulges uncanny stories that are frighteningly similar. Some are on a high, others are on a low and a few are somewhere in between.
The retreat opens with sharing of stories. The first was a success story of a boy the same age as Nick. He is navigating his schedule independently using his iPad and a scheduler app. The next mom had poured out tears last year. At that time her son plopped down outside in a busy parking lot. She physically couldn’t get him to move. We call that the “stop, drop and plop.” This year she said they were in a honeymoon period experiencing much success and growth with their son. Another parent was struggling with many things. Her son was now a one man wrecking crew. He’s on a dumping rampage like Nick. The only pictures she had were up on the high shelves in her home. He found a way to hurl objects way up on the shelves and successfully knock down the last remaining picture frames. Why? He likes to stare into the frame because it’s reflective. His sensory need was desperately craving shiny objects. Crafty little guy. 😉
Nick likes reflective objects too…..
The gal next to me was on a high. She had grasped the Holy Grail. Her child was finally potty trained. The group broke out clapping and cheering. This is no easy feat with our kids. Al and I spoke next. Right now we are somewhere in between. Nothing horrible is going on with Nick. Yes, he is still pushing the microwave and phone intercom buttons. The water faucets run full blast from time to time. He’s still dumping and dropping things. On the flip side, his meltdowns have been minimal and he hasn’t pulled a fire alarm in a while.
Nick’s last alarm pull was at this retreat six months ago, that was #27….
While these things are bad, I don’t see it as unmanageable right now. I know what rock bottom looks like. We hit it hard while he was going through puberty. This ride is wild and often met by hitting a breaking point. We came close. Over the years during these retreats, some families had to come to the realization that the support at home just wasn’t enough. You can see the pain in their eyes. You can tell by the body language as they sit with their arms crossed wound up tight as a ball of yarn. You can feel it as they speak of their hopelessness and guilt with tears flooding their down their faces.
At some point we as parents have to make the difficult decision to put our kids into a group home. Over the years many families expressed their relief of having done so and reported that their child not only adjusted but thrived. It’s a personal decision. I am guessing that when the time and situation is right, you will know it.
Listening to all the stories got me thinking that it’s like that Seinfeld episode with the coffee table book….
George who had no job and living with his parents adopts a new mantra, to do everything the exact opposite. Elaine is up, landing the job at Pendant Publishing but then things come crashing down. Damn those Jujyfruits. 😉
Meanwhile, Jerry loses a stand-up gig and five minutes later is asked to perform another one on the same night. This prompts Kramer to call him “*Even-Steven”. This causes Jerry to start noticing how everything always ends up turning out exactly the same for him as originally planned, never losing or gaining. By the end of the episode, Elaine claims that she has “become George,” but Jerry marvels at how things always even out for him: first, Elaine was up and George was down; now, George is up and Elaine is down, but Jerry’s life is exactly the same.
Besides the successes and war stories, the retreat offered some great information. Toni Van Laarhoven, an Associate Professor from Northern Illinois University gave a fantastic presentation. We learned about using video modeling to teach new skills and behaviors. I can testify this works. Check the April 2012 archives for my story on this in Blog#5~ Ready, Set, Action. Toni also provided some helpful information regarding behavior problems. Stay tuned for more on this in the next two weeks.
In life sometimes you are up, other times down, and sometimes in between. I am okay with being “Jerry” right now. I’ll take even-steven. I think TODAY, most of us would.
That’s what is in my noggin this week and don’t forget to ask for those tax day specials! AMC (free popcorn), Sonic, Arby’s, Cinnabon and many other businesses are offering some sweet deals today. 🙂
*even- steven: According to Dictionary.com it means exactly equal; also, with nothing due or owed on either side. For example, I’ve paid it all back, so now we’re even-steven. This rhyming phrase is used as an intensive for even. Random house.com states that the noun steuen/steven originally meant ‘a time or place’, but later took on the meaning of ‘a condition, situation, or circumstance’. So the phrases set steven and even-steven both meant ‘settled circumstances; settled accounts’.